It was a morning that promised to be sunny and full of opportunities, and I woke up wanting to pull the blankets a little tighter, to stay in bed a little longer. It made no sense to get out of bed because I knew what awaited me had no flavor, gave me no satisfaction worth leaving the comfort of my bed for.
Fighting against that lack of willpower, I got up, had a shower, chose a green satin blouse, high-waisted black trousers, and nude heels. Fixed my hair and put some makeup to mask the discouragement of yet another day.
It was 8:30am and some colleagues were already enthusiastically chatting about business. I knew I couldn’t handle that without a coffee and a cigarette first.
When I got to my office, there was Alexandra, our team’s assistant, smiling and full of energy, as she was most days.
"Good morning!" she said as someone who was ready to revolutionize the world of real estate.
"Good morning, how are you?" I replied, trying not to give the impression I wanted to crawl back into bed.
"What do we have for today?"
That question reminded me of why I didn’t want to leave home or face people, much less her, who was there to help me in whatever way she could.
"Hmmm, do we have any new leads?" I asked, trying to find something for her to do.
"No, I’ve already checked the websites and the email, but no.
"Okay, then maybe let’s see what we can do to promote the listings we have."
And that’s how the days passed, alienated, knowing I didn’t belong there and feeling horrible because I knew Alexandra also felt more useless with each passing day.
Between the fourteen to fifteen intense daily hours dedicated to strangers, knocking on doors in the sun, rain, wind, and cold, meeting after meeting trying to prove my worth, trying to get people to trust me, convincing them I was a good bet, then reinventing myself to actually find someone to buy the homes of people who weren’t entirely convinced I could succeed... after years of training and dedication, I eventually heard myself admit in a leadership meeting:
"I’m fully aware I’m a slave to my work and that I can’t do anything I enjoy doing because I don’t have the time.”
Hearing those words come out of my mouth... It echoed within me in an unexpected way.
I managed to push myself for three more months until one day, I simply couldn’t anymore. I was tired.
And one day I admitted:
"Alexandra, I don’t want to do this anymore. Not like this, I just can’t.”
I know I risked Alexandra deciding to leave because she was tired of this rollercoaster of "yes today, no tomorrow,” but I couldn’t pretend everything was fine anymore.
"Alright, and what would you like to do?" Her response left me perplexed.
I didn’t feel judged or criticized; on the contrary, I felt that it didn’t matter so much what we were doing, as long as we were focused and enjoying what we were doing.
From that moment on, I dedicated myself 80% to discovering my true essence. It was the beginning of my self-discovery journey.
The following months were months full of highs and lows, but I hadn’t expected the process to be easy, light, or pleasant.
2021 was a year of opening the closet and thoroughly searching for all the pieces I had accumulated over the last 32 years that didn’t belong to me, didn’t fit me, and didn’t bring joy.
2021 was the year to seek out the tailor made pieces—the ones that, when we wear them, we feel were designed to fit and embrace every curve and unique feature and makes us feel truly special.
When we decide to wear only the pieces that flatter us, we are equally deciding to discard all the pieces that make us feel inferior, and that alone is, by no means, an easy task. The last four years have definitely been a journey but I wouldn't change it for the world.
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